Friday, March 13, 2009
My Best Friend
I know this can't last but boy I am on a roll!! Now if I can just find a diet that I can stick to for more than a day and a half! Well the news is the coffee pot is still MIA... today I am going to replace it! I tried to replace it two days ago but shopping for anything with hubby is an exercise in frustration! My husband, James, is really the sweetest guy imaginable. He puts up with ALOT! BUT he LOVES gadgets! Oh anything that can do something, make something easier, produce another product, if it has lights, buttons and a cord he is in heaven! He also has a problem with making decisions... he will think and consider and research and think and read and consult and read and think until I am screaming! Even sending him to pick out salad dressing at the market can take more time than most people give to deciding to produce children!
So here's the set up... we go to Wal-mart (there's one 2 miles one way from my new house and 4 miles the other way!) to pick up more painting supplies and the elusive wood glue that seems to have vanished. I mention that I think I am going to need caffeine in order not to have one of those "Snapped" moments you read on the front page of the newspaper about and that perhaps we should go look at coffee makers. He agrees and we shuffle off (we are tired people moving is hard work shuffling is what we do these days!) to see what they have. I see there's a Mr. Coffee basic for $18 seems like the obvious choice to me but ooohhh noooo! He starts a diatribe about the inefficiency of various types of spouts on the carafes in various machines and as it turns out Mr. Coffee doens't make the cut! So I agree that perhaps we will just repurchase the exact coffee maker that we have and that way we will have a newer one (read cleaner!) and can just give away the old one on Freecycle once it's located. There's just something for him that's unsatisfying about that...so many coffee makers to be explored, so many options to consider, egads we haven't consulted Consumer Reports we can't possibly make THIS decision uninformed! I take a deep breath and offer to let him pick and shuffle off to look at bathroom mats (also missing but we need new ones so maybe I did actually throw away the old ones instead of just considering throwing them away?) I return and he is still examining carefully each machine, weighing options, considering and made no decision. I am loathe to ask but I do anyway "so did you decide which one?" he shrugs and says "well I like this one alot" I am elated! Then I look at the price.... okay people I like coffee I even LOVE coffee but I have a mental limit on how much obtaining my morning coffee should cost... it seems the "perfect" coffee maker runs about $89 !! Our beloved lost coffee maker can be replaced for $39 so I am looking for the $50 worth of THRILL ME.... I don't find it! So I say "don't you think that's alot of money for right now ?" he shrugs and says "yeah I suppose". He suggests giving relocating the old one another day and I agree since well dang people I am NOT paying $89 for a new coffee maker (well unless all other coffee makers disappear and that's the only one available for purchase! I am not a crazy person!)
My husband is one of those easy going fellows, not much gets him wound up, he vacumns, mops and does the laundry. Yes people my husband does the laundry... not just will do a load under duress but does the laundry. I get the hairy eyeball if I mess with his system too much even! As is his personality he has a system... he is more particular about our clothing than any Martha Stewart wannabe has ever been. He hangs to dry all of our good clothing, he frets about the smell of the towels, he is concerned about his whites and their level of whiteness, meticulous about matching socks and where the lost one ends up. Every day when he gets home from work he heads almost immediately to the laundry room and starts a load. He leaves the folding to the older girls (which they aren't so meticulous about!) but he can churn out the clean clothing! My Dad being the old fashioned kind of guy he is has commented a few times that he isn't sure he would be happy to work all day and come home and do laundry (this from the man who retired at 56 and has been doing some of the housework for the past 10 years for my mom since she still works). I have asked hubby a few times if he would like to pass along the chore but he is content... I think the routine is soothing for him.
My hubby is a great Dad, he builds legos, fixes things, squashes bugs, plays video games, watches cartoons, plays any sort of game the kids want. He does alot of the carting around too which gives him one on one time each week with each kid which is hard when you have 4 kids. He takes Anna to Horse and Buddy for her volunteer work, takes Sarah to Sea Scouts, takes Ainsley to speech and physical therapy, and takes Jack to Lego League. He is great about taking them on outings so I can be alone now and then. He never complains when I go away for the beach weekend or a mom's night out with the other "autism moms".
Another thing I love about my husband is that he is a crier. Sad movies, sick children, people in any sort of disaster or hardship, new babies, sad news stories, happy news stories, watching our kids do incredible things, all sorts of things like that get him going. I appreciate the shedding of a tear by a man, he is as manly as the next guy but his mother raised him that people are people and we all feel sad, happy, and its okay to shed a tear about it. My older kids get a kick out of Dad's crying... when he starts sniffling during a movie they often giggle through their tears and roll their eyes "Daddy's blubbering again!" His retort is usually "You didn't tell me this was a sad movie!" or " How could you make me watch this when you KNEW the lady dies???!!!" That's the extent of his machismo.
We have a graduation ceremony coming up and in probably way too few years the weddings will roll around... there are going to be alot of tears! Now lest you think I am some hardcase I am right in there snuffling and blubbering too! Ainsley has been on a special needs cheer squad for 3 or 4 years now and EVERY single time they take the floor I cry... we all cry! These are the kids that other people think can't learn, can't do, don't know how to work hard, aren't as "much" as other people and they get out there and they put on a show! Maybe it's not a perfectly executed routine but it's darn entertaining. So when these kids take the floor watch out because that parent viewing area is going to be left with some water damage!
My husband and I are best friends pure and simple just best friends. I don't really WANT to spend alot of my time without him. He might have the opportunity to retire from his current job in another year or two and while I joke about him becoming a better golfer so he will actually go and play without being mortified (his mom taught golf at East Carolina for many years yet her son holds the distinction of being a really bad golfer!). We talk about his shop and his beloved cars he wants to restore and how much time he will be required to spend out there versus in the house under my feet messing up my routine! Ok people he insists on watching the WRONG news channel! That just starts off my morning all wonky. Give me my Diane Sawyer , Robin Roberts and Matt Cuomo they make me happy! That other crowd needs to be dropped of a cliff... I used to watch Meredith Viera on the View ... taking her seriously while she reads the news just ain't happening!! Anyway I digress... my point was that while I joke that he will have to have things to do to get him out of my hair being around him is really what I want as much as possible. We can't wait to have the time to travel more, to do more things around the house and so forth.
My husband treats me like a queen, I am guilty of not always treating him like a king but I try. He loves my cooking so I try hard to cook meals each night and not have that 7pm OMG what's for dinner I haven't thought about it yet panicked look. He thinks I am beautiful and he doesn't mind that there's more of me than when we got married. He is content with our life (well more money would be nice!) and loves us all more than life itself. I sometimes worry that his heart is so big that one day someone will take advantage of that and use it to hurt him.
So here's my advice for you young marrieds... cherish your spouse. The best thing you can provide your children is parents that love, cherish, and respect each other. Work on your marriage and put it first your kids will appreciate the effort and I guarantee you they won't feel neglected! Treat your husband like a king and he will treat you like a queen and the reverse is true also. Also remember that marriage is not always 50/50.... sometimes it's 40/60 or 10/90 but work towards it being a partnership of respect, love and compassion.